Review: The 3 mistakes of my life

Chetan Bhagat, who the New York Times believes is India's best selling English novelist today, has released his third book, "The 3 Mistakes of My Life".

If Chetan Bhagat is India's best selling English novelist, I really wonder what other books Indians are reading, and for some reason it doesn't give me much to cheer about.

Now let's leave that aside and come to the book itself. First off, calling anything a spoiler in a CB book is an insult to the word spoiler because frankly, there is very little unpredictable in his books. But for the convenience of those who would not like me to "spoil the story", I'm putting the customary disclaimer.

** Mild spoilers begin **

The subtitle would have you believe that it is "A story about business, cricket and religion". Interesting combination, I thought as I picked up the book. Three hours and 258 pages later, I'm a bit wiser.

This story, to put it in a nutshell (and the space of a nutshell is all that is required to hold this story) is about three good friends and the girlfriend of the protagonist. Now, where have we heard that before? Did I just hear a voice saying "Five Point Someone"?

Now for the friends themselves. Loser-boy Alok from FPS turns into loser-boy Omi. The "hero" of the story, Govind is Hari Ver 2.0. And coincidence of coincidences, cool passionate nuts-and-bolts dude Ryan, the guy who doesn't get along with his parents, becomes cool passionate nuts-and-bolts dude Ish, the guy who doesn't get along with his parents. The last one had me flummoxed, because last time I heard, "Ish" was that annoying word Ash liked to use in that movie lemon, Devdas.

Just in case people started wondering if Bhagat had done a direct Ctrl-C Ctrl-V from FPS, the author pulls out the biggest innovative surprise of his career - namely, the girlfriend Neha, daughter of Cherian becomes the girlfriend Vidya, sister of Ish. Another innovation, loser-boy Alok, who had the slightly redeeming quality of being good with bookish knowledge, now loses that too in the transfomation to Omi, transferring it to Govind.

** Mild spoilers end **

Omi, Govind (the protagonist) and Ish are three 20-somethings in Ahmedabad, trying to start a business of their own. Govind, the guy who loves business and anything to do with numbers, is the mastermind behind the operation to start a cricket shop. Ish happens to be an ex-district level cricket player, which lends him an "expert advisor" status to the kids visiting the shop. Omi, an idiot (Govind's words) chips in with his only contribution - his family owns the temple in whose premises the shop opens. You can read the official synopsis here

So in case you were wondering where the tagline of "business, cricket and religion" came in, its because they run a cricket shop cum coaching business in temple premises.

When the tagline says "religion" and is set in Gujarat, you know its going to mention the riots. Indeed, the riots play in important part in the novel. But they are presented with such naivete that you begin to wonder whether CB has even done a cursory scanning of the newspapers.

Tackling a subject like the communal divide in India is not easy. All the more reason to take it seriously and not trivialise it like CB seems to have done. The characters involved in the religious turmoil are as unidimensional as it is possible to be.

The most ridiculous part is when he refers to a "secular party" and "communal party." OK, I know there can be legal issues when referring to actual parties in fiction, but calling them like this is so simplistic it makes me cringe. You can always give parties names or symbols. Of course, CB is nothing if not mind-numbingly simplistic. So we get a dose of the same old BJP-is-evil-Congress-is-angelic story that is repeated ad nauseam in the media.

Somewhere, CB does realise he is getting too one-sided and gives what he thinks is a more centrist view, but its obvious that he is out of his depth when discussing religion and politics, the same way he was out of his depth when dishing out his homemade (and undercooked) philosophy in his last outing, ON@TCC.

When FPS came out, people were quite impressed with the story and with a certain freshness that CB brought to the table. After his second novel, that gigantic lemon called One Night @ the Call Centre, perhaps CB thought that he better move to safer territory and try to redo the FPS formula.

The trouble is, the FPS formula worked because FPS was a college story. It would have worked for any college story or for a story of 20-somethings with rich dads. But not for middle-class 20-somethings who work two jobs to make ends meet. Just because a bikini-clad "size-zero" (I suppose it goes well with her IQ) Kareena Kapoor became the talk of the town, doesn't mean clothing Nirupa Roy in those clothes would have worked. Same problem here.

Maybe that's why the bindaas humor, which was the greatest strength of FPS, is missing here. It just doesn't go very well with the context. When he does indulge in it though, the jokes seem like they're getting tired of being told over and over again.

There is a serious problem of writers block when 4 years after his debut, an author publishes a book that seems entirely like a plagiarised version of his first novel. Indeed, if it didn't have CB's name on it, I would have thought it was a cheap imitation, much like Ram Gopal Varma Ki Aag was to Sholay.

Chetan Bhagat, with this novel has made the second biggest mistake of his life (ON@TCC being the first). Perhaps he should leave aside the serious stuff like philosophy and really go back to the basics of the FPS formula.

Back to the drawing board, boy.

Flag Lapel Issues

I'm not very well-versed with the proposed policies of the three remaining individual candidates in the running for the Democratic and Republican nominations for the US Presidential elections, but I have been more than a bit impressed by one candidate - Barack Obama. Or as his detractors would prefer, Barack Hussein Obama.
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I don't agree with all that he does, and behind his message of hope and change he could possibly be just another politician. But one quality that has really caught my attention is how Obama has managed to bring people face to face with their own prejudices.

One of his now lesser-talked-about stances is his insistence on not wearing the flag lapel. These little pins, painted in the colors of the American flag, have become almost a mandatory fashion accessory for presidential candidates and politicians to showcase their patriotism. Obama, though differs, claiming that flag lapels have become empty symbolism and a substitute for true patriotism.

Obama's view makes sense. Patriotism is not as simple as wearing a pin on your jacket. Wearing or not wearing a pin proves nothing about one's patriotism. Wearing a pin is an easy thing to do - real patriotism is far tougher.

Why am I mentioning all this here? Because I feel we Indians too have our own flag lapel issues, giving greater importance to mere symbols than actual achievements. Patriotism is coming to be judged, even in this country on such hollow grounds.

Case in point: NR Narayana Murthy. The Infosys icon and poster boy of India Inc was accused of having played an instrumental version of the national anthem at a function which the then President APJ Abdul Kalam was attending. This was done, as Murthy later explained, to prevent an embarrassment to some foreign delegates who were also present.

Nothing very condemnable about it. Its easy to see where NRN is coming from - I've faced such a situation myself. In my college in Chennai, they used to end functions, with an ode to Tamil Nadu, known as the Tamil Thaivazhthu (not sure if that is the right spelling). The tune of the song was fairly melodius; not knowing the language, I can't comment upon its lyrics and their poetic value. And also, not knowing the language also meant that every time the song was sung, to be surrounded by people singing it with gusto felt a bit weird and uncomfortable. I can understand therefore why a foreigner would feel similarly about the Jana Gana Mana, though he may appreciate the musical quality. In light of all that, what Murthy did is not only all right, it is also a fine gesture of goodwill.

But predictably, our highly charged and "patriotic" leaders stepped in, aghast at Murthy's egregious "insult" to the national anthem. I've personally attended different functions of the navy, including two where the Governor of the state and the Chief of the Army Staff were presiding. And on all occassions without fail I have heard the instrumental version being played. It is definitely not an insult to the anthem to play it instru.

Let's leave that aside though, and ask the bigger question: does a man like Murthy need to prove his patriotism? That too, to politicians who are responsible for the rut we find ourselves in today? Murthy and his associates helped create an industry that brings revenue to this country, and provides jobs to large numbers engineering and science graduates. He's helped change the image of India from a land of snake charmers to a land of software engineers. Yes, even this image is flawed since it neglects the troubles of the farming sector, but it does not change the contribution that Murthy has made to this country and its economy.

Yet Murthy had a case slapped against him by the Karnataka police, and was made to apologise for something that never deserved an apology. Why did this need for symbolism trump the far bigger evidence of patriotism, the elephant in the room, so to speak?

The same thing happened with Sachin Tendulkar, who had a complaint lodged against him for cutting a cake in the colours of the Indian flag. That's right. Sachin Tendulkar, acknowledged as one of our greatest cricketers ever, the man who saved the Indian team the blushes on so many occassions, the man whose heroics won the Man of the Series in the ICC World Cup 2003, is a traitor, as our hyper-patriots would have us believe.

Its happened with Sania Mirza too. The case against her is actually non-existent. The photo with her feet near the flag is easily identified as a photo trick. I can produce the same effect, and I'm no photographer.

Interesingly, all the people who rushed in to condemn Murthy, Sachin and Sania have no qualms walking the streets on the 16th of August and 27th of January each year, when tricolors form a nice carpet on the roads. I have never seen a single one of these gung-ho patriots pick up even a single flag lying on the road. Does anyone then have the right to question the patriotism of people who have made significan achievements in their fields and put India on the map in those fields?

And that's where Obama's statements come in.

"I'm going to try to tell the American people what I believe will make this country great, and hopefully that will be a testimony to my patriotism."

"You show your patriotism by how you treat your fellow Americans, especially those who serve. And you show your patriotism by being true to your values and ideals. And that's what we have to lead with, our values and ideals," Obama said.

I don't know how sincere or patriotic Obama is, but that captures the essence of patriotism better than any of our media patriots.

Flag lapel issues exist everywhere, even in our own backyard. And we need to reject such superficial claims of patriotism and see what people have actually done to claim themselves as patriotic, or brand others as unpatriotic.